


things i'll never say

by sstarryknight



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:03:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17065349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstarryknight/pseuds/sstarryknight
Summary: sometimes baekhyun hears the things kyungsoo doesn't say.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ew. written for my own baeksoo thirst and also because anne asked for it!!! my first attempt at teacher-student au smut but it got a lot less slutty than it originally sounded but yesss. i tried to lapslock a la lj writer aptenia's style but it failed miserably as you can see
> 
> [ 160318 ]
> 
> \---
> 
> i'm importing some near-ancient fic from my old livejournal in the hopes of reviving my not-so-successful fic writing career. please bear with me! baek is a ta (teaching assistant) here so there's no grossly large age gap.
> 
> [ 181219 ]

“i figure everyone’s curious as to who this strapping young man is” is how kyungsoo’s sociology professor begins class on monday afternoon as he gestures to the man (he looks more like a boy, really) standing by the door. “and why my leg is in this state. the cast is a long story, but byun- _seonsaeng_ here will be present as my teaching assistant and until further notice. in other words, he’ll be doing all the paper-carrying and errand-running for me. be nice to him or else”

the class chuckles and byun- _seonsaengnim_ gives the students a polite nod at the professor’s introduction.

“thank you, _seonbaenim_. i’ll work hard!”

\---

kyungsoo can tell everyone in the lecture hall was thinking the same thing.

“i don’t even know about you guys, but byun- _seonsaengnim_ is cute as _hell_ ” jongdae starts as they head toward the cafeteria, ever vocal about his preferences

“dude, can you not” chanyeol says. “he’s a ta. it’s kinda weird”

“no one asked _you_ , resident straight person”

“for once, he has a point, jongdae” kyungsoo reluctantly admits, before chanyeol can open his gigantic mouth again. “can you like, not be a slut”

“i just said he was cute, not that i wanted to jump his bones, jesus christ. what is everyone’s damage today” jongdae pauses for a few seconds. “though on second thought, i actually wouldn’t mind jumping his bones”

“case in point” kyungsoo mutters.

“i swear, you’re just being a prude right now” jongdae switches track to attack kyungsoo. “you think he’s cute too. you’re lying if you say you don’t. right? i’m right, aren’t i”

kyungsoo is saved from answering by sehun and jongin bombarding them with a spiel advertising the university dance troupe’s yearly performance night.

\---

much as kyungsoo hates to own up to it, byun- _seonsaengnim_ _is_ cute. he’s attractive in a sort of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of way, with his floppy brown hair and his small eyes and small nose and small mouth. he wears neat button-downs most of the time, though he seems to be a strong believer in casual fridays, opting for a t-shirt and blazer instead by the end of the week. sometimes he uses glasses which kyungsoo is sure are gradeless and just for show, but the thick black rectangular rims suit him so well that kyungsoo can’t really complain.

he’s not very tall, not much taller than kyungsoo, so he’s not really what comes to mind when told to think of ‘handsome.’ he makes up for it with his charm, though, always knowing how to earn himself a few chuckles from the class. he knows what kind of smiles to flash when being spoken to and how to angle himself just right to put people at ease. kyungsoo swears the sighs from the girls are audible (and even from some of the boys) when he talks. he’s sure byun- _seonsaengnim_ has the entire lecture hall right between his delicate fingers.

those delicate fingers were in the middle of some haphazard pen-twirling, kyungsoo notices as he looks up from his test booklet for a change of pace. as luck would have it, byun- _seonsaengnim_ slips up and fumbles to catch the pen that ends up falling to the ground. the floor is, fortunately, carpeted, so there’s no clattering for the students to look up to. as the ta bends down from his seat to pick it up, he looks around sheepishly to see if he caught any unwanted attention and is met with none other than kyungsoo’s stare. byun- _seonsaengnim_ straightens up and clears his throat, lifting a finger to his lips as if to tell kyungsoo ‘no one saw that.’ kyungsoo replies with a raise of his eyebrows and hopes he understands the ‘you’re an idiot’ from behind kyungsoo’s glasses. kyungsoo doesn’t think he does because he just grins at him and it’s--it’s a look that suits him better than any of his old-man sweater vests

it’s kyungsoo’s turn to clear his throat as he blinks and tries to refocus his attention onto his test booklet, but all he can see is a mess of characters and a rectangular show of teeth framed by thin, delicate lips

\---

“i think my drummer and my vocalist hooked up” chanyeol squints. “i can feel it”

jongdae rearranges his sheet music as they walk along the path leading outside the campus. “why are you so freaked out”

“i dunno, i just. it’s weird”

“stop being a baby. and by the way, kyungsoo, your new production sounds like it’s gonna be depressing. again”

“it is” kyungsoo admits. “the songs are nice, though”

he, chanyeol, and jongdae all have their respective extracurricular work to attend to in the evenings and they get off at more or less the same time.

“kyungsoo!”

it’s just kyungsoo’s luck that it also happens to be right around the time that byun- _seonsaengnim_ leaves campus as well. he turns his head to the familiar voice and sees the ta fall into step with them on the path.

“nice presentation today” he says, beaming. he seems to notice the bewildered stares from chanyeol and jongdae so he turns to them and goes on to say, “hello, kyungsoo’s tall friend. hello, kyungsoo’s short friend.” he turns back to kyungsoo. “i’ll see you on wednesday!”

he speeds off to the exit gate, leaving the three in the dust. kyungsoo, chanyeol, and jongdae stop walking.

“should i...be...insulted or” chanyeol begins

jongdae bursts. “we’ve been in the same goddamn class for three weeks and he only remembers _your_ name?” he nearly shouts, pointing at kyungsoo. “definitely off the to-do list. asshole ta. zero out of ten. would not bang” he seems to take it back when he stops to think for a bit. “okay, maybe would still kinda bang. when he learns my name”

“let’s just go home” kyungsoo says. he sets off at a brisk pace, leaving the others to follow

“wonder how he knows kyungsoo’s name” he hears chanyeol say

“he probably likes the quiet ones” jongdae replies, then raises his voice so kyungsoo can hear him properly. “hey, kyungsoo, if you don’t want him, tell him to pay attention to me instead!”

kyungsoo hunches his shoulders closer together, trying to ignore jongdae’s jabs and how hard his heart is thumping inside his chest

\---

kyungsoo’s professor doesn’t show up for class so they do group discussions instead. kyungsoo idly watches byun- _seonsaengnim_ do his rounds and check up on the groups

chanyeol unceremoniously nudges kyungsoo with his gargantuan shoulder, breaking him out of his inattention. “you’re on your way to being as big a slut as jongdae is” he comments

jongdae slaps his notebook against chanyeol’s arm with a painful _thwack_. “i’m right here, asshole. why don’t you make yourself useful and write out the notes we made on the reading”

“kyungsoo has better handwriting” chanyeol pouts as he rubs his arm

“kyungsoo’s busy” jongdae says, the corners of his mouth curling into his trademark up-to-nothing-good smirk while his eyebrows wiggle violently

“shut up, i’ll write it” kyungsoo mumbles, feeling his face get significantly warmer

“he’s blushing”

“i said ‘shut up,’ chanyeol”

\---

kyungsoo stares at him from his place in the corner of hongdae’s coffee lab. _why is this happening_. then again, kyungsoo’s not even surprised because of course it’s happening

“there aren’t any more tables” byun- _seonsaengnim_ says, hiding half of his face behind his plastic cup. he peers over the lid hopefully, awaiting kyungsoo’s reply

kyungsoo looks at him for a bit. “by all means, _seonsaengnim_.” he shifts his notebook and papers around to make room for him as he takes the seat in front of kyungsoo

“baekhyun” he says

“hm?”

“my name’s baekhyun”

kyungsoo looks up from stack of readings. “oh” is all he can say as he pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. he doesn’t like this; he feels strangely off-balance, disoriented, put on the spot like this. he feels the control of the situation falling away from his fingertips and there is nothing he has ever hated more than that

“i’m not much older than you. a year, i guess. right around” he says to kyungsoo, his elbow coming up to rest on the table so his hand can cup his chin. “try it”

kyungsoo assumes byun- _seonsaengnim_ \--baekhyun--means his name. baekhyun. it feels weird even when it just sits in his mind like it does now

“go on” baekhyun says. his eyes are bright on kyungsoo’s, expectant

“b-baekhyun” kyungsoo _hates_ the stutter. he doesn’t stutter. the name feels even weirder sitting on his tongue, but baekhyun’s mouth presses into a smile. he seems pleased. kyungsoo shifts his gaze to his half-finished espresso because if he looks at baekhyun for too long, his world is going to go even more off-kilter and that would be the last thing he would want

“your friends aren’t around” baekhyun says

“they’re too noisy”

“am i too noisy”

kyungsoo looks up again. there’s something about baekhyun that makes him second-guess his replies. the light in his eyes is playful, so is his smile, but there’s something hidden under his voice that makes kyungsoo take the question seriously.

“no” kyungsoo says. “no, you’re alright”

baekhyun beams and kyungsoo has to look down and pretend to read his notes again

“i think you’re alright too, kyungsoo”

kyungsoo looks up at him again. this time, he doesn’t stop looking.

\---

“there aren’t any more tables”

kyungsoo nods and baekhyun sits down, setting down a plate of something in the middle of the table as he does so. kyungsoo looks at him.

“it’s cinnamon toast” baekhyun answers. “have some”

“it’s okay”

“please?”

kyungsoo has conveniently forgotten how to say no. “i don’t have a fork”

baekhyun uses his own to cut off a piece of toast. he pierces the bread and hands it to kyungsoo.

baekhyun watches him chew. “good?”

kyungsoo nods, handing the fork back. baekhyun cuts off his own piece and eats it. it’s a bad thing that kyungsoo notices how baekhyun’s pink lips drag up the tines of the fork. a very, very bad thing.

\---

“there aren’t anymore tables”

“there’s one right there” kyungsoo says, eyeing a vacant spot by the window. it’s too far, though. too far for his liking

baekhyun looks at the table kyungsoo is talking about, then looks back at him. “there aren’t any more tables that i like” he amends. one of his tapering fingers traces patterns on the polished wood. “i like this one. can i stay?”

_of course you can, i always want you to stay_ kyungsoo wants to say, but of course he can’t, so he settles for nodding.

\---

“there aren’t any more tables”

“you’re already sitting at mine”

baekhyun chuckles. “do you want me to leave?”

_ i always want you to stay _

kyungsoo shakes his head.

\---

“there aren’t any more tables”

“do you always have to say that”

“it’s our thing now. i have to say it”

_ our thing _

kyungsoo likes how it sounds.

\---

kyungsoo hears jongdae practicing one of his pieces again at lunch while kyungsoo studies for his history test.

“what’s that” chanyeol asks him, waving a french fry at the sheet music

jongdae stops singing. “stuff”

“it doesn’t sound like choir music”

“we’re not just the church choir. we’re the school’s competitive singing organization. god, get it right, chanyeol”

“sorry, jeez. calm your dick”

“what does that even mean. my dick is calm”

“you know what i mean”

“i just said that i didn’t”

“oh my god”

“are you ragging on my rep for chasing cute boys again? because that is low, chanyeol, even for you”

“forget it”

“low, i say”

“wait, what’s the song called again? girls probably dig that emo hipster thing it has going on”

“girls will not dig you for your pretentious music taste, chanyeol”

“come on, man”

“okay, fine. pay up first”

“jongdae”

“take a joke, god. it’s ‘farewell review’ by the ray”

“oh, hey, baekhyun loves that song” kyungsoo says mindlessly while scribbling notes into the margins of his book.

kyungsoo only notices that something strange has happened because it’s quiet for a bit. he looks up to see chanyeol and jongdae staring at him. “what”

“did you just” jongdae begins. “did you--do you mean baekhyun as in--”

_oh, shit_

“fuck” kyungsoo says

chanyeol stands up. “no way”

“now you have to tell us everything!” jongdae yells, earning a few stares from other students. “look out, world, byun- _seonsaengnim_ is now off the market!”

and that is how world war iii erupts in their part of the cafeteria.

\---

“it’s 10 pm” baekhyun says

“i know”

“and you’re not going home”

“i’m not finished studying. you can leave if you want”

“do you want me to?”

kyungsoo looks up from his book. “you keep asking me that”

“i’m just making sure”

“well, you don’t have to” kyungsoo says before he can stop himself

baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a while. and then-- “why”

it’s just one word but it’s enough to make kyungsoo lose his footing. “i. i don’t”

“why don’t i have to keep making sure”

control spirals out of kyungsoo’s fingers. he doesn’t know he doesn’t know

kyungsoo closes his book and starts shoving his things into his bag. this is all he knows how to do

baekhyun grabs kyungsoo’s wrist. “why can’t you tell me”

he doesn’t know he doesn’t know

“let go of me.” baekhyun lets go

“i’m sorry”

_ what are you sorry for _

“i have to go”

_ don’t let me go _

kyungsoo knows baekhyun can’t hear the things he doesn’t say, but he wishes, he wishes that he does


	2. Chapter 2

baekhyun doesn’t look at him the next time they have their one-hour period of sociology.  
  
or the next  
  
or the next  
  
\---  
  
baekhyun doesn’t go to coffee lab that day either.  
  
or the next  
  
or the next  
  
\---  
  
“jesus christ, kyungsoo, you already know what to do” chanyeol finally bursts out during lunch, prodding kyungsoo’s head with an empty plastic bottle. it hurts a bit but kyungsoo doesn’t even have any heart left to give chanyeol shit for it  
  
jongdae has always been tactile with his affection, his head coming to lean against kyungsoo’s shoulder. kyungsoo knows things are bad when chanyeol and jongdae stop picking fights with each other  
  
“i don’t” kyungsoo says. he feels more lost than he ever has  
  
“you do” jongdae says. “you just have to figure out whether you’re going to do it or not”  
  
kyungsoo thinks for a bit  
  
“so do i do it or not”  
  
chanyeol and jongdae don’t say anything, but kyungsoo knows what they mean. it’s not their question to answer.  
  
\---  
  
kyungsoo hastily scribbles a note by the time sociology ends before he can second-guess himself.  _i’d like to schedule a consultation_  it reads.  _10 pm by the hongdae bus stop that no one ever goes to_  
  
he slides the paper to baekhyun across his desk when class ends and doesn’t wait for a response  
  
\---  
  
kyungsoo sits at the bus stop, balling up his hands in the sleeves of his hoodie. it’s not yet winter but his hands can’t seem to get warm. his breathing is shallow and he feels like passing out and he hates all of this  
  
but baekhyun appears, 10 pm on the dot, and kyungsoo remembers why he’s here.  
  
he’s noticed that baekhyun has always known what face to put on, has mastered the art of schooling expressions into what people want to see. his face is devoid of emotion right now, save for some wariness that show in the corners of his mouth and the edges his eyebrows.  
  
kyungsoo stands. he feels like he always does around baekhyun--off-center, misaligned, unbalanced--only this time even more so.  
  
baekhyun opens his mouth first. “i”  
  
“it’s because i always want you to stay” kyungsoo says in a rush. “you don’t have to keep asking me if you can stay because the answer is i always want you to stay”  
  
baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a while and all kyungsoo hears are the roaring engines of passing cars.  
  
“kyungsoo”  
  
kyungsoo is scared to look at his face but he needs to so he does. it doesn’t make any difference because he can’t decipher it anyway  
  
“it wasn’t the table i liked” baekhyun finally says. “it was you.”  
  
baekhyun moves so quickly that kyungsoo almost misses it all, but the way baekhyun holds his face and kisses him gets burned into his skin  
  
\---  
  
kyungsoo knows it’s a bad idea when baekhyun tugs at his hand to lead him down the street in the opposite direction of his house. he tries, really, he does, but when baekhyun makes a certain face at him, kyungsoo always forgets how to say no.  
  
he finds himself inside baekhyun’s bedroom somehow. it’s small and clean and nice but kyungsoo’s mouth is a bit busy for him to pay attention to the finer aspects of baekhyun’s apartment  
  
“i’ve. i’ve never--”  
  
baekhyun kisses him again. “sh, it’s okay, it’s okay” he says against kyungsoo’s lips. “but you want to?”  
  
kyungsoo has never nodded so quickly in his life. baekhyun laughs quietly and says, “okay. okay”  
  
baekhyun kisses him again, his tongue slipping into kyungsoo’s mouth. kyungsoo’s breathing picks up as baekhyun’s hands travel down to the hem of his shirt. “just let me take care of you” he says. so kyungsoo lets him  
  
kyungsoo lies back and baekhyun removes their clothes, kyungsoo’s shirt and then his, kyungsoo’s pants and then his, kyungsoo’s underwear and then his, all while keeping kyungsoo’s mouth busy so he doesn’t think too hard. it does nothing to distract kyungsoo, whose heart is frantically thudding inside his chest at being so exposed, so outside control, so vulnerable. for a millisecond he’s not sure if he wants this anymore; everything is asking so much of him, too much, asking him to put himself up to be broken and not even guaranteeing that he’s going to be put back together afterwards. but he looks at baekhyun and baekhyun is looking at kyungsoo and he’s  _smiling_ like he’s the one who’s won something here. baekhyun could break kyungsoo’s entire world and the terrifying thing is that kyungsoo would let him  
  
“you’re gorgeous” baekhyun whispers low into his skin, kissing and touching everywhere and kyungsoo is already breathless. baekhyun plants one hand next to where kyungsoo’s head is on the pillow while the other goes down to wrap around kyungsoo’s half-hard cock. kyungsoo gasps. it’s different having someone else--having  _baekhyun’s_ fingers jerk him off. kyungsoo lets out all these embarrassing noises that he can’t stop so he throws an arm over his face to muffle them and to hide from baekhyun who is so obviously staring at him  
  
“no” baekhyun breathes. “no, let me see” his other hand goes to tug at kyungsoo’s wrist and he pins it to the pillow. kyungsoo is left with no choice but to look at baekhyun again, his breathing heavy. he hears baekhyun’s own breath catch in his throat  
  
“beautiful, beautiful” he murmurs.  _what are you talking about_  kyungsoo wants to say.  _it’s you, it’s you who’s beautiful_  but the words don’t come, they never do, and baekhyun leans down to kiss kyungsoo again  
  
baekhyun pulls away much too soon, as does his hand. kyungsoo whines in spite of himself. he bites his lip at how embarrassing he sounds  
  
“don’t do that” baekhyun says, his thumb brushing against kyungsoo’s mouth. he doesn’t wait for him to oblige, but instead shifts himself further down the bed. kyungsoo thinks he’s going to take his cock into his mouth and he feels a little pre-cum dribble down his dick at the thought, but baekhyun instead maneuvers kyungsoo’s legs over his shoulders, bringing his face closer to kyungsoo’s ass  
  
“what--” kyungsoo manages to say, his words strangled. “what--”  
  
baekhyun replies by pressing the flat of his tongue against kyungsoo’s hole and kyungsoo stops biting his lip. he feels his mouth fall open, moans louder than he has ever heard himself before. baekhyun’s relentless licking has kyungsoo’s body shaking in spasms, his hands pawing ineffectually at baekhyun’s hair, his heels pushing into the soft skin of baekhyun’s back  
  
“baek--” he chokes out.  _it’s too much._  “baekhyun”  _it’s too much, i need more_  
  
baekhyun’s tongue slips inside his ass and kyungsoo wrecks his throat trying to say baekhyun’s name again  
  
“baekhyu--i--can’t”  _everything’s too fast_  
  
baekhyun draws away and sits up, his tongue swiping across his own lips obscenely. heat flares up inside of kyungsoo at the sight. he wants to kiss him again  
  
kyungsoo is convinced baekhyun can read minds because baekhyun does kiss him, his hands coming up to cradle kyungsoo’s face innocently--the contrast between what they were doing just earlier and what they’re doing right now is stark. kyungsoo can still taste traces of himself lingering in baekhyun’s mouth. kyungsoo sighs  
  
baekhyun nudges kyungsoo’s thighs further apart and one of baekhyun’s fingers enters him, cold with lube.  _when did he even--_  kyungsoo starts to think, but he’s too busy panting into baekhyun’s mouth as his finger slides in and out of kyungsoo slowly  
  
baekhyun moves to rest his forehead against the pillow, next to kyungsoo’s head. “okay?”  
  
“y-yeah”  
  
baekhyun goes slow before adding another finger and then another. kyungsoo rocks down onto baekhyun’s hand and, frankly, he just wants to get on with it  
  
baekhyun whispers, “do you want to ride me, baby”  
  
kyungsoo’s pants are cut off by a small gasp  
  
“yes?” baekhyun asks, the tip of his nose running along kyungsoo’s jaw. he can hear the smile in baekhyun’s voice  
  
“yes” his voice is small  
  
baekhyun pulls out his fingers and kyungsoo whines again. he grabs kyungsoo by the hips and somehow gets him straddling his lap with baekhyun’s own back against the headboard of the bed. baekhyun’s cock is already sheathed with a condom ( _how does he work so fast?_ ) and he guides kyungsoo to hover over him. kyungsoo places his shaky hands on baekhyun’s shoulders, unsure  
  
“i--i don’t know how--”  
  
baekhyun’s eyes are clouded with everything kyungsoo has ever loved about him. “just let me take care of you” he says again  
  
so kyungsoo lets him  
  
he lowers down onto baekhyun, following his instincts. they choke out exhales in tandem when kyungsoo sinks down onto baekhyun’s cock. kyungsoo whimpers a bit at the intrusion (“slowly, slowly” baekhyun pants) but manages to seat himself down fully. baekhyun’s hand splays across the small of his back and kyungsoo falls against baekhyun, his arms coming to wrap around baekhyun’s neck  
  
“lift yourself up, baby” he says, his voice thick  
  
kyungsoo lifts his hips and shakes so much that he inadvertently slams back down onto baekhyun’s cock, drawing out more noise from the both of them. he does it again and again and soon his mind is hazing up from the drag of cock against the walls of his ass. baekhyun presses his hand harder against kyungsoo’s back and shifts a bit to thrust up into him. kyungsoo feels the head of baekhyun’s cock press up against a certain spot that makes him yelp and scramble for a tighter hold of baekhyun  
  
“baekhyun baekhyun baekhyun” kyungsoo isn’t even sure if he’s thinking his name or saying his name or just garbling an unintelligible mess of words. baekhyun answers him by licking into his mouth  
  
what kyungsoo really means to say is _i love you i love you i love you_  but the words don’t come, they never do  
  
kyungsoo comes, muffling his moans in baekhyun’s neck. baekhyun follows soon after, his face pressed against kyungsoo’s hair. kyungsoo slumps against him. his inhales and exhales come shaky and disjointed  
  
“i love you too” baekhyun whispers  
  
that’s one thing baekhyun does hear and it’s enough for kyungsoo  
  
\---  
  
“this feels very weird” jongdae remarks. he and chanyeol sit across from baekhyun and kyungsoo in some random restaurant in sinchon.  
  
“you’re making it weird, jongdae” kyungsoo says, choosing to focus on his food instead of anything else  
  
“you guys are  _together_ together now, right?” chanyeol asks.  
  
“uh” baekhyun starts. “yeah. i guess.” below the table, he slides his hand across the pleather booth seat nearer to kyungsoo’s and covers the edge of his hand with his own. kyungsoo almost jumps out of his skin and he feels his cheeks color up  
  
“about time” says jongdae. “you know, he really likes you, baekhyun- _ssi_. he got really sad over you that one time. like  _really_  sad--”  
  
kyungsoo closes his eyes. “jongdae, i swear to god”  
  
“i really like him too” he hears baekhyun say and kyungsoo doesn’t want to look at him or else he’s going to really lose it  
  
“okay, that was kinda gross, sorry” chanyeol says.  
  
“yeah, tell me about it” says jongdae. “oh, but look, it’s like kyungsoo’s face is on fire. adorable”  
  
kyungsoo curses his choice in friends.


End file.
